Daddy Pleaze!!!

Def on the top of my bday list...The reason I heart this bag is pretty obvious....but this bag doesn't stop at just appearance, its practical...the bag glows in the dark so u can get out of those late night situations, without disturbing ur sleeping partner trying to find loose articles of your clothing. Say goodbye to the the walk of shame ladies...I'm out before dawn!!!

-BxDe

A married man's fantasy --IOH2M

After contemplating on the tittle for this piece, "A married man's fantasy", "Forbidden Fruit" or "I ain't shit", I decided that "A married man's fantasy", would be the most suitable. But lets refer to him as my "Forbidden Fruit".

Location= Bored Time= 3:44pm Date= Recently

I texted my forbidden fruit, inquiring about a potential hook up that evening. He informed me that he is out of town and it will not be possible. Ok, no prob!

Location=Sleeping Time=2:40am Date=The next evening

I wake up to a ringing cell phone. My forbidden fruit has called twice, I returned the calls. My forbidden fruit proceeded to confess how bad he needs/wants to see me, that he just arrived home and wants/needs to see me really really bad. (no, those weren't his exact words, but you can only imagine at 2:40am, but he did stress how BAD he wanted to see me) I smile, informed him that it will not be possible, hang up the phone and go back to sleep.


My Forbidden Fruit has earned his tittle for many reasons, but one of them is because he is someones husband. (I know, I know, I know! I know I ain't shit, but temptations is a mother & the fruit always tastes sweeter when is forbidden. --Hey listen, do not judge me! (lol) If it wasn't for Adam & Eve, we wouldn't exist.)

Location= Working Time= 12:56pm Date= The next day

Forbidden fruit and I are flirting back and forth via text mail. We discussed our past encounters and our future potential escapades (I will not get into details-but believe me they are juicier than JuicyCouture). We decided on a date and where would our next secret location will be at. As we are finishing our conversation he states "U r truly the shit :)", I replied "I'm a married man's fantasy".


Moral of the Story:
My Forbidden Fruit was away from his wife all weekend--upon his arrival back home, instead of pounding her cakes, he desperately calls me instead, proceeds to wake up the next day with thoughts of me in his head savoring our next sexcapade. In the words of my home girl. "I HAVE TO MANY FANTASIES TO BE A HOUSEWIFE, I GUESS I AM A FANTASY".

--IOH2M

Drink Coke?

Its official Red bull really does give you wings.. Hong Kong officials say they have found traces of cocaine in cans of Red Bull...Red bull will soon be considered one hell of drug, people are going to be channeling rick james on their lunch break.

Shout out to Jhoanka who drinks 3 cans a day 5 on sundays.

-BxDe

Doo Gro or Lady Hilda!

Location: NYC 

Time: between 12am and 4am.

Mood: had 2 apple Martinis ...NICE!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So me and the Bff realize we could not stand to be in Boston for another weekend so a quick weekend getaway to NYC would be ideal. We contacted a friend (Kandie) that currently was living there for undergrad to see if we could hang for the weekend. "No Problem! Come!" was the reply. So as we are on the bus ride we are talking about the much needed get away and how we can wait to go enjoy city life.

We touch down in NYC and meet Kandie in NY. First thing we do is shop a little before going back to the apt to get ready to party like a rock star in the evening. on the way to Kandie's apt we are anticipating a good night. Talking about what we were going to wear and how to do our hair. 

When we reach her apartment we realize we have 2 hrs to play and then we have to start getting ready. We have not chilled in so long that we are eating food talking and making videos acting crazy.

Then we decide who was going to take a shower first. (it should of been me) but my bff decided she would first we will call her "Kennedy" . She is kind of a kluts so the first thing she does is some how take down the shower curtain. I mean the whole thing. can you pic a girl with just her panties on holding a pole in the bathroom with the " i didn't do it" look! LOL! PRICELESS!

then she some how spills my whole bottle of perfume...wth. but to fast fwd!

Everyone is all dressed taking pics all in the apt, in the elevator, in the lobby, and by the car.  we drive down to the club (cant think of the name) and we go in. The first room is like a lobby where everyone is having drinks and hanging out until the second part opens. there I seen a girl that was heavy chested like myself and had the audacity to have so much baby powder between her breast it was CRAZY! I mean if you sweat that much you should use peppermint soap or deodorant in between! FYI: @ the end of the night all of it was gone! like she was sweating so much it disappeared. she just looked like she smelled. 

Any who back to the vibe....so everyone was having fun! drinking dancing enjoying the night. So as we are walking from the bathroom for doing a hair check, I see this tall man, chocolate skin dancing toward me. I give him the "are you crazy" look and he kept coming. so he walks up on me puts his hand around my waist and sniffs me. WTH! did you just smell me! OH NO! He then replies " Damn ma!, you look good, (sniffs me again) smell good, OOHH girl I just want to grease your scalp". LMAO! I could not stop laughing, but when I did I replied " is that your pick up like cause that is whack" he replied "Can I buy you a drink". I began to follow him to the bar..lol ( i guess it worked)

At the bar we are chatting a little bit and he ends the convo by saying " I don't want to take up all your time but if you or your girls need a drink just let me know I got you all night" (DING) 

As I go back to my girls Kennedy and Kandi are laughing up a storm. inquiring to them what was so funny Kandi tells me " that guy over there came up to me and said "Yo ma! my name id Piff, I'm single, no kids, own my own house and I smoke weed, can i buy you a drink" LMFAO!

They guys in NYC are very clever to think of all these ways to talk to a girl....

So the night is winding down and the club is coming to an end, this is around 4 or 5 am. We are exiting out of the club and this honeysuckle brown guy about 5'5" (we will call him curious George..you'll know why later) approaches Kennedy. She politely ignores him. He says "So ma can I get to know you" Kennedy replies " Your too short for me! I don't date Short men!" Curious George replies "yeah I know your tall that's why I like you, just like a tree, and ill break those branches Girl!" LMFAO!!!

Moral of the story....It's NEVER a dull night in NYC! Entertainment is all around!

Beam me up Scottie

Location All Star wknd 06' Houston

So officially our first all-star wknd, so what are we suppose expect? Pure fuckary!!!

We touch down in Houston and straight to the telly. We get to the hotel and start settling in. The weather is not the best, but so isn’t Boston’s so were good.

Next thing you know were changed looking fresh and smelling good. In no time we at the galleria mall (mall is sick) so many stores you couldn’t fit in to one afternoon. We go to chili’s for dinner and our iffy waiter (homo like) entertains us with his southern accent. We couldn’t help but notice the table besides us...hood rat city!!!! Complete with Ms. Snaggle tooth and a whole mess of sea biscuits. "What chu eatin gurl chiiiken oh beefff? asked Ms Snaggle tooth to her friend. The way the words chicken or beef formed in her mouth would of made flava flave look pleasant.

After dinner we decided to walk back to the hotel because of the short distance. At this point it started to drizzle lightly def not perm weather. I needed oil sheen bad, I forgot to pack it so we decided to look for the nearest Walgreens with a colored section..lol. On our way we encountered a group of guys on motorcycles who offered to take us...fuck it right you only live once!! Needless to say we got we wanted and ditched the guys and went back to the hotel to change for the night.

We decided to hit up one of the guys that we met at the mall to ask what was poppin for the night. They had no clue and came to pick us up, so we could figure something out. On arrival first came the Bentley Gt followed by the 645 and the black mans Bentley 300 sittin clean. The guys were from Chicago and def arrogant enough to have their cars shipped just for the wknd..smh. We ended up just driving around for the night and posting.

Day2

So we decided to conquer the other side of the mall where we didn’t get to. We stepped outside and as we were walking towards the mall it started to downpour, we quickly sought shelter at the Sheraton hotel next door. Our plan was to call a cab at this point. As we approached the lobby entrance we notice some not attractive guys blocking our way. The kind where u didn’t want to accidentally brush when walking by.."Scuse me" we all chanted holding our hands towards are body as in an act not to get dirty...we aint shit? lol "hey pretty ladies" the dark skin dreads wearing nigga exclaimed. We smiled politely and made our way to the lobby. When when walked in we saw nothing but white tees, chain swingin, sizzurp sipping niggas. "Wow his hotel is poppin" one of my girls squealed. We asked the front desk about getting a cab...she pointed outside towards the entrance. Some help she was...bitch. We go back outside hoping the other guys left but we were disappointed. "So where yall from?" We looked at each other and realize why up north ppl are so rude "Boston" I said. "Oh ok where yall headed to?" he pried further. "The mall". " Yall wanna ride? We waiting on the car now." We looked at each other and said fuck it..the mall was down the street we will be there in no time...plus it was raining hard.


As we get in the navi I noticed the Georgia tags...hmm they not from round here either. There were 3 of them and 4 of us. I started to realize that they looked familiar but didn’t think anything of it. As we headed to the mall the driver turns on the music and the beat was sick over the bass. At this point we snappin fingers and bobbin to the beat. "Who's this?" I asked. The guys look at each other and laugh. "Its us" they said in unison. "oh you guys rap?" They laughed again. They told us who they where and I immediately realized it by now. They currently had the number one single as far as in the south, but since they really don’t play that type of shit up north, I didn’t know what they looked like but I knew the catchy hook to their song...at this point I had a flashback of the prior week where I was at Wal-Mart looking for cds, I stumbled by theirs and threw it back in the pile like it had the plague..hehe.

We get to the mall and start walking around with them, all of a sudden I see girls looking...I’ve seen stares like that before...groupies!!! Omg it was like someone switched on the lights in the projects and all the cockroaches where exposed. What are we getting ourselves in to?

We decided to hang out with them that night. We drove to the club where and extra member in their group who was basically the lead was performing with keyshia cole that night. We waited in the parking lot until the show was done for him. At this point one of the hype men took an interest in me. We can use his real name because it’s not that serious. Jimmy was light skin and very fwd the type that spoke before he thought. Not very bright but hella funny.

The lead group member got to the car lets call him "debo". He said hi to everyone and got in. He asked the usual demographic questions. He sat in last row of the truck next to one of my girls and started to undress her with his eyes...very weird. Then he proceeded to take a zip lock bag out with a powdery substance with visible little tablets...im thinking oh shit this nigga is gonna get geeked up in front of us wowzers!!! He offered everyone some but we declined def not fucking with that shit. He popped 2 pills with no h20.....yeah this is going to be interesting. The guys were waiting to get paid from the club so after 15 mins debo begin to feel the effects. He started to ask my girl crazy questions, even trying to touch her awkwardly..."I’m a minor!!!" she yelled out at him Lmao!!! He was so geeked at this point he started saying "I cant breeeaath!!" Omg this is pure madness.

They get their cash and we go back to their hotel, where we go to the bar area. Jimmy is annoying the hell out me and im ready to bail. My girls and me start drinking and the guys pop their "skittles" smh. After an hour my girls and me are tipsy and the guys are def geeked. Jimmy is still being annoying. I spot a cutie at the table not to far from where we was sitting. We exchanged interested looks for a sec. In my head im thinking I gotta ditch this baggage urgh!!! Since Jimmy was rollin at this point he was not trying to let me out of his sight. I informed my girl of my recent cutie discovery, and we set the plan in action. The cutie started to leave with his friends. My girl quickly followed behind and as they approached the elevator to go back to their room. My girl quickly says"heymygirlwantstotalktouwhatsurroomnumber" all in one breath. She looks around uneasy as not to be discovered. He says um # 5......0...... she says "hurrry up!!!" "504" he says fast and confused. "thanks" she winks and joins the group again.

15 mins go by and im feeling real nice...I signal 2 of my girls for a "bathroom break". We proceeded to the elevator...504 here we go!! We approached the room and I knock without hesitating. We looked at each other and started giggling wtf were we doing??? Cutie opens the door and we invite ourselves in. The scene was classic inside... one of his boys was sitting at the table with a confused looking girl, his other boy came out the room just as perplexed. I wasn’t nervous nor did I care who was there. "am I interrupting something?" I said boldly He smiled and said no. I asked if that was his girlfriend (im still shocked to this day I asked that). She quickly answered for him and said no. We exchanged names and numbers, and we peaced. I was very pleased with my conquest.

As the elevator opened to the lobby, my eyes widened. Damn Jimmy!!! wtf why is he everywhere I don’t want him to be. He stood there with a couple of the other guys staring in to the elevator. I felt like I was in the tony yayo video "I know you don’t love me" for sec..smh. "Where yall coming from?' he demanded. I walked by him and said nothing. Who does this light skin nigga think he is? He yelled, "I’m sick of you!!" I started laughing this is too much.

We end up going upstairs to their suite, because the bar closed. Pure entertainment!! debo is arguing with everyone, including himself. Jimmy is mopping around like a sad puppy. The rest of the entourage and group are trying to kick weak ass game to my girls. As I sat back and reflected on the day that unfolded I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact of me and my girls being rap snacks.
Shout out to Cutie, who "forgot" to disclose to me that he was in an upcoming R&B group..smh thanks Cynt for showing me the vibe article. LoL!!!

-BxDe

Never Recycle men...especially when they become Daddy daycare.

Ok so i broke up with my ex and was depressed, and decided to go through the old cell phone. Called up a old high school boo to see what was going on we will call him "Mikey". We had an ok convo and for the next couple of weeks was talking like crazy.

As time went on reality sunk in and i realized why i stopped talking to "Mikey" and decided to cut all ties. so as he called me i ignored all his phone calls and even erased his number out of my phone.

A couple months go by and I receive a phone call from a unknown number @ 3am. I am thinking " who the eff is this calling so late" I do not answer and proceed to let it go to voice mail. The next morning before I go to work I listen to the v mail. Its "Mikey". im thinking "OMG are you serious, you just dont give up do you".

As I listen to the message it was the average " how are you, i miss you, where the eff u been" type of msg. so as I get ready to press delete I hear something really fast and the message is over. "ok what?' was my thoughts. So I press 4 to listen again and Mikey sputters out "Aniggjusthadababygirlandshitsohitmeup" (Translates to: a nigg just had a baby girl and shit so hit me up). WTF! LMAO you must be joking 4am you call to tell me you had a baby, and you sound ashamed.

Moral of the story: Some things are better left unsaid! especially @ 4am lol!

I should of known better! --IOH2M*

After a mediocre night out in the 617, we tap it off with a trip to NEWS. I wave at my friend Jaime, which escorts us inside the establishment. Once the hostess shows my girls and I our table I take a quick glance outside. I noticed a local sitting idle in his 2 door civic. Shortly after our waitress come to take our orders of steak tips and fries and spinach dip (the best). Our meals arrived, we stuffed our face meanwhile trying to convince Jaime to sell us some cocktails, which of course he acts like that doesn't happens there (after 1am). We pay our bill say our rounds of hi's and smile to the hater and proceed to exit the establishment. As we step outside I noticed the same local still sitting idle in his 2 door civic, by this point I should of known better! The following week as my girls and I stubbornly proceed with what is considered the night life (in Boston) I spot the local that sat idle for almost 2 hours outside of NEWS the previous week. The local proceeds to approach me, we exchange our hi's and how you beens...then he advances with "When are you going to let me take you out to dinner?", I contemplate for a sec and exchange math with the local. As the week developed, the local persistently texted me inquiring about dinner. Finally, on Thursday I agreed to enjoy a free meal, I accepted the invite and locked in the time of my pick up. I don't eat much for lunch, I want to have an appetite for this long awaited dinner. Once the local arrives at my previous address to pick me up, I come outside and open my own door and sit on the cloth material seats. I say "hi, how are you?", he replies "I'm good and you? You still hungry?", O hell no! Did this fool just ask me if I'm still hungry after I almost starved myself that day to have an appetite, and not only that, after harassing me for almost a week for dinner! I keep my cool and reply, "I thought we were going to dinner!", which he then replies with "yeah, but is kinda late, want to just go to Kings and grab an appetizer?", I say "yeah, why not!" I know they have good Quesadillas and Calamaris ;-). We arrived , after driving around in circles in the Copley vicinity looking for Parking, he parked by Newbury St. Once parked, he reaches to the back sit, in my mind I thought he was reaching for the club for his steering wheel (it is a civic). But no he's reaching for 2 bottles of beers. (WTF!!!!) We exit the vehicle and he shoves the two beer bottle in his jeans pocket, and then follows to wipe down his car. Finally we are in Kings, finally FOOD! we sit at the bar and he forgets to ask for the food menu, I remembered! I ordered a quesadilla. He asks the waitress for 2 coronas, (I guess 1 for me, and 1 for him) but sorry I don't do beers. I ordered my signature drink, Grand Marnier with pineapple juice. I made sure I ate my quesadilla not offer any to him and ordered 2 more drinks and asked to be taken home. I guess that the moral of the story is, if he can't afford to get inside NEWS --he cant afford to take me out to dinner!



*It only happens 2 me

When keeping it real goes wrong NYC edition

After missing the bandwagon for memorial day wknd in miami it was only right to leave boston and migrate straight to the city for some sort of rebound....

Location- club strata nyc
Something told me the night was going to be "interesting" when niggas in the "tables only line" was asking how much was the club to get in? Like wtf!! What are u in this line for?


After the useless time wasted waiting in line for niggas to realize that the 2 bottle minimum was not in their budget, we walk inside and weaved through the unimpressionable crowd.


Quick check in the ladies room and straight to vip, where there he was...last thing I wanna see some nigga from boston with a non lasting impression (we'll call him desperado)... but fuck it right I'm in ny and I'm here to party. But how are we to do that when it feels like all the "cool" people went to mia and took the dj with them

"Let's make the best out of it" became more of a chant then a statement at this point. Bad enough I could feel the looks of this nigga without even turning around, intensifying with each passing minute. Desperado comes over to me and says "yooo do u want something to drink"I politely declined" "Well just let me know if u change ur mind" I uneasily smile and we look at each other for what seem like a Celts vs bull game in OT. I quickly turn to my girl and engaged in gibberish talk who knows what I said at this point I'm just tryna look "busy".

Here's where the plot thickens..My home boy meets up with me in vip, and at this point we are wrapped up in good convo (shout out to H) not missing much of the club at this point. Out of no where he pulls me to the side and as in an act for desperation says "so why did u diss me?" "We went on one date, and it was wrap." "You never picked up my calls after and I just want to know why?".....did this nigga just went pearl harbor in the club on me??? While I was talking to another guy??? Omg what goose can do to someone. I was in absolute shock and awe on how lame a nigga can be when desperation sets in. "Look this not the place nor the time to discuss this matter" I said, praying he wasn't gonna get all big baby on me. Then he was like "ok fine go back and talk to that pink nigga u where with" referring to my boy's cashmere top..(The shit was looking very stylish might I add) lol.

I couldn't believe this nigga was actin like this...how can 1 date set u over the top like this. What if the cakes where given?? Would this have been a tyson and robin givens situation???

I went back to my home boy who clearly at the point peeped the situation, "this shit is not funny" I whined but it was indeed lol . Desperado tries to redeem himself by starting a convo with my girl, and after an awkward knee touch and asking for her math, she shuts him down by asking "hey didn't u go on a date with my girl melinda?" She sinks his battleship and walks away. I believe the moral of this story is clear, desperate times call for desperate measures....lol but at the end of the day he was trying to keep it real..I guess
he gets 1 scoobie for effort but I subtracted 2 for being desperate

-BxDe

2 SCOOBY'S

OK THOUGHT ID PUT UP MY HELL OF A DATE....

WENT OUT TO DINNER WITH SOMEONE THAT TRICKED ME! WE TALKED ON THE PHONE FOR A WHILE AND THEN MADE PLANS TO DO DINNER. THE DAY OF I ASK HIM WHAT TIME HE WOULD BE PICKING ME UP AND HE REPLIES "I SOLD MY CAR SO ILL MEET YOU THERE" WTF!

STORY OF MY LIFE... IS IT BAD THAT I DID NOT WANT TO DRIVE HIM HOME BUT DID ANYWAY AND WE GOT LOST!

NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT WEEKEND I PURCHASED A GPS.

HE ONLY GETS 2 SCOOBYS CAUSE I WASTED TOO MUCH GAS FINDING MY WAY HOME :(